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August 1, 2009


I had mixed results with the party I went to last night. The green smoothie filled me up for the dinner part. However, we stayed too long and then I got really hungry with the only food being pizza and ice cream cake. At that point, I ate two pieces of pizza (sausage with thin crush) and a good sized piece of ice cream cake. I did have one or two pieces of pizza during dinner. The ice cream cake was just okay, nothing special. I didn’t think the ice cream part of it was good at all. I did however really like the thin layer of fudge (think hot fudge) in the middle. I haven’t had hot fudge in a long time and it was really good. I don’t feel guilty for eating any of it. I was hoping that I wouldn’t like any of it that much. I was really hoping for indifference towards both foods.

The major problem yesterday was that I felt really fat. I’m really struggling with accepting my body as it is right now with no reservations. Being in a social situation makes it even more difficult for me to accept myself. I have been tapping on this but have not been making any progress.

I forgot to write in yesterday’s post that after doing the bsff (Be Set Free Fast)/zpoint, my cramps (tom) went away. However, my back was really hurting while I was at the party last night. I tried doing eft/meridian tapping and bsff/zpoint in the bathroom for anxiety and feeling fat/embarrassed with no success. As soon as I got in the car to go home, the back pain disappeared. I know I should have been able to make the pain go away using these tools. I think I will have to tap on being successful even if I don’t say the exact words I need.

I did manage to get in a quick bike ride this morning before the rain came. I did 25 minutes to and from the farmer’s market. I picked up some kale. They didn’t have the mixed salad greens that I got last week. The woman working at the booth said the deer ate it. The mixed greens were really good. I hope they have them next week. I also picked up some organic Italian sausage. This was the first time I have bought organic meat. The vendor I buy the vegetables from is also organic. This is a direction I want to move toward. The meat is more expensive. I hope it is as good.

I had a green smoothie for breakfast, will have hot dogs for lunch and sushi for dinner.

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